Adventures with Joe....

      We'd taken a lunch break from the hot and heavy work of tearing the engine and differential out of a decrepit old XJ6 Jaguar sedan that had been sitting at Ian's place for three (maybe four?) years, and as I handed Joe his lunch he looked at it then asked,
    "What's this?"
    "It's salad." I replied.
    "Salad is what food eats...got any of that?"
    Knowing that my well worn speech on the benefits of the Paleolithic diet would be met with a stony silence, I let Joe rummage in my fridge for the few bits of meat and carbs languishing in the back. He turned his nose up at my offer of some curried chicken and finally settled on tea, a banana, and an entire box of chocolate chip cookies .
     Joe and I had acquired the car some years ago and had spent the last three (or was it four?) years procrastinating about pulling the engine and rear suspension out of the car. We both needed more large car parts that would add to the clutter in our respective garages and never get used.   Despite good intentions, none of our planned wrench dates had ever happened and the car sat. Finally, one weekday, out of the blue, for no good reason, I filled my backpack with all the tools in my toolbox and peddled down the road to Ian's place.
      I knew that there was no chance on my making any real progress on the project but dammit!, I had to get busy. Ian was nice enough to drop in and unlock the shop in case I needed to use the bathroom or raid his toolbox. Oh sure, like anyone could find anything in his toolbox. I set to it and was delighted to find that most fasteners were either well lubed with leaking oil and came undone easily or, were attached to parts so rusty that they simply fell off. In no time at all I was looking underneath the car for access to the prop shaft and transmission mount. Realizing the reason it was so bright under the car was because there was no floor, I opened the doors to asses things. A large universal wrench (see picture) removed the barely-attached seats and were tossed into the back. An angle grinder quickly removed what was left of the transmission tunnel and rear engine supports. Flabbergasted that I was actually ready to pull the engine, I ventured into Ian's shop to get the engine hoist.

      Ever been in Ian's place? Have a look at the pictures and find the "Bright red hoist, it's easy to find."  I finally stumbled onto the damn thing and began hauling the pieces outside...after moving three (I'm sure it was four) tons of car parts sitting in the way.   With a bulging hernia (just where the heck am I on the waiting list for an operation?), and a string of curses to every and all deities, I wrestled the heavy pieces outside and assembled them into the king of engine hoists. It had taken a couple of hours to get the hoist out and put together and less than three (maybe four?) minutes to lift the engine up and out of the car. I hadn't even gotten my breath back and had to take the cursed thing apart and repeat the process in reverse.
      With the engine sitting in front of the Jag, I turned to the back end. While trying to jack the front end, I'd found that everything was so rusty that the jack simply ripped off the bumpers and suspension pieces. Fortuitously, the rear bumper was solid and I quickly raised the rear of the car and piled bricks and blocks of wood underneath it. Letting the pressure off the jack, I was disappointed as the car crunched down onto the supports. The bumper was the only thing reasonably solid at the back of the car and the frame rails crumpled when I tried to use them to support it. The solution was to use every chunk of wood and brick in the vicinity.

  Part 2...in which Joe eats lunch.
     A couple of weeks later, providence smiled on us as Joe and I finally got together for a wrench date.  Progress was quick as we'd come heavily armed with angle grinders.  Amazed that half an hour of spraying the dried leaves with a shower of sparks didn't set them on fire, we cut through the heavily rusted bolts and used the universal wrench to rip through anything else in the way.  One kick dropped the entire assembly to the ground and it was unceremoniously  dragged out from underneath the car with a chain hooked to Joe's car.  We were so happy with our progress we broke for lunch.
      Returning to Ian's an hour later and with Joe still grumbling about the poor fare at my place,  we set about the now easy task of disassembling our respective treasures.
      It had taken three (maybe four?) years but we're finally finished.  The rest of the car is up for grabs and we'll be asking for a group to help us load the parts onto Ian's trailer soon.  Watch here for the call to action.
     Joe & Bob

(Click on any photo for larger version.)